This has been a hard 3 months....
On July 26th I spoke to my new doctor whom I had not yet met, but had an appointment with on Aug 1st. I had gone to the lab at his office request to have my bloodwork done so he would have the results for us to discuss at my appointment. I remember this day, July 26th very well. It's Paul's birthday and the kids and I had plans to meet him at work then take him to lunch for his birthday. The news from my doctor hit me harder than it should, even looking back now in hindsight...like, really I got upset? Things could be so much worse! Anyway, it's my thyroid. He was concerned and wanted me to immediately fill the prescription he had already sent to my pharmacy and begin taking Synthroid .75 due to my TSH being 19 and should be below 5. So I cried, call Paul then detoured to the pharmacy before going to have lunch and took my first dose. The next day, Wednesday, the kids and I drove to GA to visit my mom, sister and brother-in-law and to celebrate my mom's birthday. Wednesday night I was up to 3am, could not go to sleep despite my exhaustion from the travel day and late hour visiting with my sister. Thursday I woke up after only having 4-5 hours of sleep and felt very jittery, like a high caffeine diet pill or something. I chose to not take the med until I saw my doctor the following Monday. By early afternoon, I started to feel like me again and was able to enjoy the rest of our visit. We drove home Saturday.
Sunday I picked up the voice mail left by my doctor from Friday that he had run another test on my blood and thyroid antibodies were present, meaning my immune system was attacking my thyroid, a condition called Hashimoto's. So, Sunday morning before breakfast, I took the medicine. Paul and I researched and found out all we could about Hashimoto's. Oh, let me back up to say I HAVE NO SYMPTOMS! In fact from March to this time, I had felt great...not needing that afternoon nap to survive the evening. Again, the insomnia came back; it would take me 1-2 hours to fall asleep, then I would wake up after only 3-4 hours of sleep. I met with my doctor on Monday Aug 1st with Paul at my side. I felt horrible: breathing was labored, jittery and wanted to crawl out of my skin, nauseous, and tired from being up since 4am that morning. He was like, no big deal, you are just hyper-sensitive to the medicine and we will need to start you on a lower dose then work up to where you need to be. He sent me home with Synthroid .50 and instructed me to cut them in half for the next 7 days, then move up to the full pill. Come back and see me in 4-6 weeks to see how things are going... THINGS DID NOT GO WELL AT ALL. This was on Monday...by Wednesday I was not completely in control of my thoughts and beginning to become more emotional (still with full blown insomnia). During the days I prayed for God to help me to cope so I could be somewhat of a mom for my children and be able to care for the little boy I keep 3 days of week. I cried over my Bible, seeking direction and help and healing. Thursday around 2:30 am I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I began sobbing uncontrollably to the point I shook the bed and woke up Paul (who can and has slept through a screaming baby crying). He held me close and I finally calmed down and rested, but was not able to go back to sleep. An hour later, at 3:30 am, again I'm crying/sobbing uncontrollably and was beginning to have that "am I going crazy" feeling. So, at that point, Paul and I decided this was not the right medicine for me and I would not take any more. I spoke to my doctor Friday afternoon, he was baffled by my "extreme reaction" and referred me to an Endocrinologist.
My blood work was run again, TSH still high, around 21 but my Free T4 and Free T3 are just barely normal. The Endo decides to give me 4 weeks "off" doing/taking nothing thinking maybe I had gotten too much iodine in my system. I felt my best in those 4 weeks. I had more energy than before and was motivated and going to the YMCA several times a week. I just knew God had healed my thyroid and everything was back to normal. At my 4 week recheck, my TSH was 25, still climbing meaning my thyroid was not producing enough hormone, but yet my Free T3 was still at the same, on the low range of normal. He concluded that I definitely need thyroid hormone medicine and prescribed the lowest dose of Levothyroxin (generic to Synthroid).25. The average person taking this low of dose would probably notice nothing....Not ME. Within 4 hours of taking the first dose I began to feel extremely tired, like a dragging kind of tired. By the 4th day it interrupted my sleep. The 6th day I was so emotional, crying for no reason, I couldn't stand it. Again, Paul and I decided this was not the medicine for me. It's been another month since I've taken anything and I'm still feeling great (as long as I'm NOT taking the medicine that is suppose to make me feel better....)
I've had to give my self permission to be okay with not fitting into their BOX. My God doesn't fit in any box, He can heal me if he chooses to. He can also touch the lives of others through my experience and I'm praying every day that I am following HIS path on this journey and not my own. I feel God giving me the green light and opening doors for me to pursue seeing another doctor to get another take and perspective on what is going on with my thyroid and hoping to get a glimpse at my other glands as well to see if there is something related or causing these extreme reactions I've had to 2 different meds which I have several friends and family members taking and taking well, where they have improved their quality of life, verses taking it away as it did for me.
It is not only okay to not fit into their box, but it is Special! And I have come to hear a new voice in me through this experience...a very strong voice. One in which I knew I had for others, but had not used it for myself. I am a valuable and extraordinary person and God is leading me through.
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